Monday, May 9, 2011

Sleep is cheating on me....

I mean really it must be because when I go to bed it's not there.  I've been back and forth on some different social/blog readings and I realize one thing.  Nothing has been done in an order.  I had a very good past blog and was completely busted for a few things I wrote about particular situations. I see now better ways of conducting my thought process.  Through my stints through college and my past and present careers life has truly been and interesting ride.  Usually I don't see it at the time but I realize now it's been emotional and heartfelt. 

My biggest down fall is my honesty.  One could say I'm too honest, however with that being said if I am your friend why would I lie to you?  What would either of us gain?  Don't lie to me is all I ask.  I'd rather you not say anything at all.  Which brings me to this:  I've been trying to better myself by being more self aware of my surroundings, listening more, being enlightened and more tolerant of others. 

Enlightened yes... tolerant still working on that.  I don't go off the deep in with anger very often, however I lost my ever loving mind not to long ago, and felt like a complete jack***, and spouted off some very vile and down right hateful things.  The person who heard me lose it was in shock, but understood I had, had enough.  It's OK for this to happen.  Is it right?  One has to be at  peace with any decision they make so I can't tell you yes or no.  Did I feel better, at the time, yes I did.  Shortly after, no.  Now I feel nothing, I have let it go and learned that I will never let a situation  get the best of me.  Or people for that matter.  In a few weeks I'm going to be going through some major life changes events.  I hope for the better. I hope I still accept who I am trying to become, while holding on to who I am.

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